overwhelmed by the sensation of sadness coating my happy memories...
Well the holidays are here again. This time of year is always very fast paced and full of excitement. Me being...totally me, it is also full of traditions. If you haven't gotten this little tid bit about me from previous blogs - I am ALL about traditions and things that hold sentimental value to me.
Thanksgiving kicks off the holiday season. Of course we traditionally have dinner with our little family - and it is wonderful. It is also great to have the inclusion of our newest addition to the family - Richelle, Konnor, and Kaden. We just laugh and have a great time when we are all together. Another tradition of mine and Nick's is Black Friday. We scope out the ads and decide where we want to go, how early we want venture out, and who is strong enough to go with us :) This year Richelle and Konnor joined us and we had a very successful Black Friday shopping experience.
Last weekend was our next chapter in this holiday season - Thanksmas. This was the second year we celebrated the wonder that is the day of Thanksmas. We invented it to celebrate both Thanksgiving and Christmas all in one day with our Michigan relatives. My mom's brother, his wife, daughter, and son in law - all live in Michigan. They don't venture to Southern Illinois very often, but for Thanksmas.....they WILL! :) The acts that take place on Thanksmas are: a huge amount of food that will be consumed ALL day and that is not completely all that healthy for you, the watching of some of our favorite Christmas movies(National Lampoons is always a must, as well as the Christmas Story), a crazy competition(last year was Christmas sweaters, this year hats, next year suspenders), and the playing of the Thanksmas games! One of the funnest parts of Thankmas is that we play board games together and just laaaaaaauuuuuggghhh! Seriously, some funny stuff happens and is said during some pretty ordinary board games. Every year we play - The Game of Things. We make some pretty outrageous answers and just really enjoy ourselves. But there is one rule you must follow during the Thankmas game of - The Game of Things....what happens at Thankmas, stays at Thankmas!!! That is really important!
This weekend another part of our family is coming to town and we will again consume way more food than we need to, visit, laugh, and enjoy ourselves.
The next week is my last week of work before vacation, and it is full of Christmas activities. I always create a Christmas Week. Every day has a different theme, with different activities to go with a favorite Christmas theme of mine. I like to try and show the kids some of what my favorite Christmas things were when I was their age.
The only thing that is happening this year that is not a traditional thing for me is some emotions surrounding loss. I lost both of my grandparents on the Williams side of my family this year. That means there is a chunk of my Christmas traditions and memories not happening. My mind is flooded with these memories. It seems like I can't see Christmas lights on houses, certain ornaments, or even foods without becoming overwhelmed with the sensation of sadness coating my happy memories. I don't quite know if that statement makes sense to anyone but me. My memories are still of happy times and bring me joy, but right now they still strike a painful jolt in my heart at the thought of them only being memories and never happenings again. We will never sit at the "kid table" in Grandma's kitchen eating great food, cracking jokes, and looking through all the different condiments on the table's lazy susan on Christmas Eve. The whole family won't squeeze into that living room and look over at Nick doing something silly and laugh, watch the grandparents open their presents, or listen to what Grandpa has to say about the paserbys while he looks out the front window. There will be no more of Grandma's famous fried chicken, dumplins, santa's whiskers, or peach cobbler. But the saddest of all, I won't be able to hug my grandparents this Christmas. I already miss them so much. I find myself becoming sad more frequently as Christmas approaches. I don't yet know how I will be on Christmas Eve itself. There are so many other changes that have happened this year. I just hope that when that time comes, I will be able to remember the happy aspects of everything that is making me sad. I want to realize that even though it stings now to remember these things, that what is important is that they happened in the first place. I am thankful for my wonderful life and those two wonderful people who were in it for almost 28 years. I love them so very much and want to thank them for all they did to help make me who I am. I want them to know how much their memories mean to me!
Thanksgiving kicks off the holiday season. Of course we traditionally have dinner with our little family - and it is wonderful. It is also great to have the inclusion of our newest addition to the family - Richelle, Konnor, and Kaden. We just laugh and have a great time when we are all together. Another tradition of mine and Nick's is Black Friday. We scope out the ads and decide where we want to go, how early we want venture out, and who is strong enough to go with us :) This year Richelle and Konnor joined us and we had a very successful Black Friday shopping experience.
Last weekend was our next chapter in this holiday season - Thanksmas. This was the second year we celebrated the wonder that is the day of Thanksmas. We invented it to celebrate both Thanksgiving and Christmas all in one day with our Michigan relatives. My mom's brother, his wife, daughter, and son in law - all live in Michigan. They don't venture to Southern Illinois very often, but for Thanksmas.....they WILL! :) The acts that take place on Thanksmas are: a huge amount of food that will be consumed ALL day and that is not completely all that healthy for you, the watching of some of our favorite Christmas movies(National Lampoons is always a must, as well as the Christmas Story), a crazy competition(last year was Christmas sweaters, this year hats, next year suspenders), and the playing of the Thanksmas games! One of the funnest parts of Thankmas is that we play board games together and just laaaaaaauuuuuggghhh! Seriously, some funny stuff happens and is said during some pretty ordinary board games. Every year we play - The Game of Things. We make some pretty outrageous answers and just really enjoy ourselves. But there is one rule you must follow during the Thankmas game of - The Game of Things....what happens at Thankmas, stays at Thankmas!!! That is really important!
This weekend another part of our family is coming to town and we will again consume way more food than we need to, visit, laugh, and enjoy ourselves.
The next week is my last week of work before vacation, and it is full of Christmas activities. I always create a Christmas Week. Every day has a different theme, with different activities to go with a favorite Christmas theme of mine. I like to try and show the kids some of what my favorite Christmas things were when I was their age.
The only thing that is happening this year that is not a traditional thing for me is some emotions surrounding loss. I lost both of my grandparents on the Williams side of my family this year. That means there is a chunk of my Christmas traditions and memories not happening. My mind is flooded with these memories. It seems like I can't see Christmas lights on houses, certain ornaments, or even foods without becoming overwhelmed with the sensation of sadness coating my happy memories. I don't quite know if that statement makes sense to anyone but me. My memories are still of happy times and bring me joy, but right now they still strike a painful jolt in my heart at the thought of them only being memories and never happenings again. We will never sit at the "kid table" in Grandma's kitchen eating great food, cracking jokes, and looking through all the different condiments on the table's lazy susan on Christmas Eve. The whole family won't squeeze into that living room and look over at Nick doing something silly and laugh, watch the grandparents open their presents, or listen to what Grandpa has to say about the paserbys while he looks out the front window. There will be no more of Grandma's famous fried chicken, dumplins, santa's whiskers, or peach cobbler. But the saddest of all, I won't be able to hug my grandparents this Christmas. I already miss them so much. I find myself becoming sad more frequently as Christmas approaches. I don't yet know how I will be on Christmas Eve itself. There are so many other changes that have happened this year. I just hope that when that time comes, I will be able to remember the happy aspects of everything that is making me sad. I want to realize that even though it stings now to remember these things, that what is important is that they happened in the first place. I am thankful for my wonderful life and those two wonderful people who were in it for almost 28 years. I love them so very much and want to thank them for all they did to help make me who I am. I want them to know how much their memories mean to me!
Bless your sweet heart. This is very touching, pure and honest, to read. While I don't have memories of Grandparents like you do, since only one was ever living in my lifetime and that would have been your Great-Grandmother (Rilla), I do have very similar feelings of loss, especially at Christmas about dear ones that are no longer here within my Christmas traditions. I felt so strongly about this, I even wrote about it in my December newspaper column (how December is a bittersweet time).
ReplyDeleteI have no real answers on how to get through those times, other than prayer and just keep doing what you're doing, as you know that's what your dear Grandparents would have wanted for you. ♥ You're a blessing.
=) I like the rules for Thanksmas! It was another fun day.....I'm looking forward to it next year. Of course we could come up with a holiday that we celebrate every year in the summer that takes place in Michigan...What will we call it?
ReplyDelete