it never gets easier...
When we were kids, life was so much easier. We didn't realize just how great life was being a kid. We were too focused on getting older and becoming an adult to do adult like things. I want to hop into a Delorean with Doc Brown, go back to that little girl, and tell her - sometimes, being an adult is totally overrated. Because I have found that the older I get, I realize, it never gets easier. There is always someone or something that is trying to hold you back or get you down.
This past year I have lost two of my grandparents. My approaching birthday and the Christmas season remind me of my loss even more. The even sadder thing, my two remaining grandparents are having great struggles right now as well. I sit and think about their pain and situation, and want to take the pain away. I look at my mother, and wish I could lay my hands on her and take the pain and suffering from her and bear it myself. There are so many hard things we must deal with as we become older. As I experience the loss part of life more than I would wish lately - it makes me really put my life under a microscope.
Looking back on the past four years and how far I have come from the lost person I was - I am pleased. I was a shell of a woman. Unfortunately I had been more focused on what a guy wanted out of me and life to focus on what I wanted. Over the past four years I think I have become a strong, independent, and focused woman. But during the last six months of this year - my loss has made me look again at what my goals are in life.
In this life, there are three things that I consider to be the most important parts of my life: family and friends, my Christian faith, and teaching. Have I been looking at these things in the right perspective? Life is so short. Are my goals correct for each of three important parts of my life?
When it comes to teaching, I work each year at becoming better than the year before. Each new year brings a new little family into my classroom. I try to be more understanding than the year before, and listen a little more to what my kids really need from me. I feel that when it comes to the goals of my career - I am on tract. I realize I am continuously learning myself - and working to be better each year.
The most important thing to me is my family. I think that a day without family, is a sad day. I visit my parents every day - and that is not enough for me. I only wish I could visit my brother every day. My brother and I are so lucky to be so close, that I sometimes get really upset that we don't talk every day. We both make the effort though and talk on the phone frequently throughout the week, and see each other at least once a week. If my loss has taught me one thing it is, don't waste the time you have with family. Cherish each moment you get and don't take it for granted. These are the people who will love you no matter what!
But the one aspect of my life that can always improve on is what I do with my faith. For as long as I can remember, I have been a faithful Christian. My faith means SO much to me. Even through pain and loss in my life - I have not questioned my faith in The Lord. I love going to church, and participating in church activities. I am not afraid to tell you I am Christian, and try each day to show it in my every day life. But I feel that the one struggle in this life is to be the best Christian you can be. I think this is every Christian's daily battle. Putting the practices of you faith first in your life. I want to set life goals for myself to focus more on the practices of my faith. I want to center my life around being the best Christian I can be. I want to share this love and faith with the ones that I love and hold dear. There really isn't anything quite like going to church with your family. Sharing the love you feel enter your heart and spirit during a church service really is the best way to bond with those you are closest to in your life. I pray each night that The Lord show me where he wants my life to go. Who should I spend my time with? And can I draw myself closer to you by this relationship with them?
Life really doesn't get any easier the older we get. But there is so much we can do with this life. I find that when I am sad -from loss or the thought of what will have to happen next in this life or the life of those closest to me - that the best thing for me to do is to pray about staying on track with my life goals. Think positively, Erin. Think about what you can do next to make the next day easier or not as hard. What can you do or say to your mom or dad to make them not hurt as much today. Go on with your life. But bear in mind what you have learned from any heartache you suffer now. Make the rest of your life the best it can be. It may not get easier, but you are becoming stronger. I always remember a song that Arthur Ammon used to sing alot at church when I was a child. The chorus went, "He didn't say it would be easy." So true.
This past year I have lost two of my grandparents. My approaching birthday and the Christmas season remind me of my loss even more. The even sadder thing, my two remaining grandparents are having great struggles right now as well. I sit and think about their pain and situation, and want to take the pain away. I look at my mother, and wish I could lay my hands on her and take the pain and suffering from her and bear it myself. There are so many hard things we must deal with as we become older. As I experience the loss part of life more than I would wish lately - it makes me really put my life under a microscope.
Looking back on the past four years and how far I have come from the lost person I was - I am pleased. I was a shell of a woman. Unfortunately I had been more focused on what a guy wanted out of me and life to focus on what I wanted. Over the past four years I think I have become a strong, independent, and focused woman. But during the last six months of this year - my loss has made me look again at what my goals are in life.
In this life, there are three things that I consider to be the most important parts of my life: family and friends, my Christian faith, and teaching. Have I been looking at these things in the right perspective? Life is so short. Are my goals correct for each of three important parts of my life?
When it comes to teaching, I work each year at becoming better than the year before. Each new year brings a new little family into my classroom. I try to be more understanding than the year before, and listen a little more to what my kids really need from me. I feel that when it comes to the goals of my career - I am on tract. I realize I am continuously learning myself - and working to be better each year.
The most important thing to me is my family. I think that a day without family, is a sad day. I visit my parents every day - and that is not enough for me. I only wish I could visit my brother every day. My brother and I are so lucky to be so close, that I sometimes get really upset that we don't talk every day. We both make the effort though and talk on the phone frequently throughout the week, and see each other at least once a week. If my loss has taught me one thing it is, don't waste the time you have with family. Cherish each moment you get and don't take it for granted. These are the people who will love you no matter what!
But the one aspect of my life that can always improve on is what I do with my faith. For as long as I can remember, I have been a faithful Christian. My faith means SO much to me. Even through pain and loss in my life - I have not questioned my faith in The Lord. I love going to church, and participating in church activities. I am not afraid to tell you I am Christian, and try each day to show it in my every day life. But I feel that the one struggle in this life is to be the best Christian you can be. I think this is every Christian's daily battle. Putting the practices of you faith first in your life. I want to set life goals for myself to focus more on the practices of my faith. I want to center my life around being the best Christian I can be. I want to share this love and faith with the ones that I love and hold dear. There really isn't anything quite like going to church with your family. Sharing the love you feel enter your heart and spirit during a church service really is the best way to bond with those you are closest to in your life. I pray each night that The Lord show me where he wants my life to go. Who should I spend my time with? And can I draw myself closer to you by this relationship with them?
Life really doesn't get any easier the older we get. But there is so much we can do with this life. I find that when I am sad -from loss or the thought of what will have to happen next in this life or the life of those closest to me - that the best thing for me to do is to pray about staying on track with my life goals. Think positively, Erin. Think about what you can do next to make the next day easier or not as hard. What can you do or say to your mom or dad to make them not hurt as much today. Go on with your life. But bear in mind what you have learned from any heartache you suffer now. Make the rest of your life the best it can be. It may not get easier, but you are becoming stronger. I always remember a song that Arthur Ammon used to sing alot at church when I was a child. The chorus went, "He didn't say it would be easy." So true.
I LOVE YOU ERIN!
ReplyDeleteLife does get harder Erin..and sometimes I think wow that affects me more now that Im an adult then it would have as a child. That's because we know the consequences, affects, and burdens life's trials and tribulations put on us now. I think sometimes the Lord has us to re-evaluate what we are doing or how we are doing things, or how other things might be affecting us emotionally, spiritually at different times becauseeeeeee...He wants us to know that there is more to life..that he has more in store for us and nothing is wrong with going hey..I think the Lord wants me to do this differently or Hey, I think he wants me to accept this blessing. Also, by going through hard things we can help others that have to go through them as well. Love you! :) Don't stop being who God wants you to be!
ReplyDeleteI love you too Susan and Richelle! Thanks for the nice comments!
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the best posts! Thank you so much for sharing it. I would say your heart is in the right place - what a dear person you are.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Linda! :)
ReplyDelete