The hardest time......

My dear friend Rach and I have lots of long conversations about every aspect of life. We affectionately call it Patio Time. Mostly because it all started on the patio(but sometimes weather doesn't permit) and usually some of our best talks are there. We discuss everything that ever comes up in our lives. We hash out relationships, jobs, religion, and anything else that pops into our heads. When we are having "patio time" the rest of the world slips away, and there is just us. Two friends, more like soul mates, figuring out the next move we both should take in our endeavors.

This weekend during some "patio time", my friend told me something that just made me fee....good, for lack of a better word. She told me that she was telling her mother that she admired me. As she was saying this, I was thinking in my head.....hmmmm...where is she going with this. What do I do that is admirable. She continued on to say that she admires the fact that no matter what is happening in my life, be it good or bad, I always have faith that the Lord has a plan for my life. I just sat back and thought, well yes, I have always known that I think that way. I guess I just never realized that she admired me for it. I guess I just never realized, clearly that others don't have that same assurance embedded within their heart. The one thing that I can safely say about myself, is I have always had faith in the Lord's plan for my life....even in the worst of times.

As most people that are any way close to me know, about three years ago I went through the hardest time in my life. I ended an engagement and six year relationship. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. Not because I doubted myself or what I knew I wanted and had to do, but because I was cutting loose of someone that I had made the closest to me for six years. I had promised this person I was going to marry him, wore an engagement ring for six months, and planned our entire wedding. But, when the final countdown started, the realization hit me. I was not the same person I was six years ago. Honestly, I wasn't the same person I was the year before. I was in my early twenties. I was figuring out what I wanted out of life. This man that had become my best friend, just wasn't who the Lord had planned for me to be with. The Lord knew I was going to change at this point in my life. He knew I wanted so many different things. And he made me strong enough to do what I had to do. I had to end this part of my life. Of course it was hard. It is hard to say goodbye to anyone, even when you really need to. The hardest part about this decision was the unknown factor. I had dated him since I was 18, all of my college life, and now the beginnings of my career life. I was in uncharted area. I was lost. I knew the Lord wanted me to find who I was, but who was that?!?! THIS was the scary part of the situation. THIS was what left me sad for a brief period of my life. Although this was a very unsure time in my life, I never lost faith. I always kept thinking about the poem footprints. I just pictured in my head that the Lord was carrying me right now until I found who I really wanted to be. Now through some help from my wonderful family and Rach and Gracie, I was able to discover who I wanted to be. I just never lost faith. And my life is the best! I feel so blessed! I am who I want to be and where I want to be. Everything is the best it has ever been in my life.

I still don't have a problem having faith in the Lord. I think on a daily basis that the Lord has a plan for my life. Even though I am so happy and know that I am blessed beyond what I deserve, I know he still has more in store for me. I don't sit around and whine because I don't have everything or someone that I think I should....I know the Lord already knows what is in store for me. It may not happen on my schedule, but that has never seemed to bother me. It never caused me to have less faith.

So, thank you dear Rach for making me feel so strong, count my blessing once more, and smile at the thought of what all my life has yet to see, but is surely to come.